“ KBC
Auditions
Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati
is going to expire soon, here are a few persons who could audition for the
show.
Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko
lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.
Shatrughan Sinha: Khamosh! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban
chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.
Dharmendra: Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee
jaoonga.
Amrish Puri: Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua !
Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon !
Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar
ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?
Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar
aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna
main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.
Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone
kar ke sawaal pooch lete.
Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali.
Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.
Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ?
Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.
Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do
dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko
bahut chad gayeli hai.
Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se
Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ).
Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).
“ Keshto
and the Cop
Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He
was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving
violently all over the road. A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, "kahan
se aa rahe ho?"
"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs
Kesto.
"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"
"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his
usual style.
"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar,
"kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs
Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho
gaya hun....hehhehe".
“ Keshto's
Fever
Keshto Mukherjee's wife calls the doctor, stating that her
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she
replied that she hadn't but would and then call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called
and asked what had happened. She said 'Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I
put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint and he went
off to work!'
“ Rules
for Bollywood
1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be
thrown through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice
versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any
other situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect
skin and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but
he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with
machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his
small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you
bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.
10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out
their predecessors.
11) You can always find a trimurti when you need one. (as in
Anjaam)
12) If faced with certain death, do not panic. Merely chant,
Ganpati Baba, and after a few short bolts of lightning, all will be well.
13) A heroine will have time to change outfits several times
in one song, however short.
“ : Tihar
Jail
Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its
inmates.
Wondering why this odd combination ?
!!!!!!!
!!!!
!!!!
Salman khan is
coming ......
“ Titanic
in Bollywood
Have you ever
wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made
in Bollywood?
The name of the
movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!
* Madhuri has to
be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ
Jack.Madhuri's
fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man"
everytime he sees
Shahrukh.
* Amitabh Bacchan
would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain
and would be
waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would
not
die.
* Shahrukh will
be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50
extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in
the world.
* The movie would
only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of
editing,there
would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.
* The ship would
be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in
movies that have
a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will
start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of
excessive
on-board population.
* The infamous
lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced
with
a song in the
Swiss Alps.
* Best friend of
Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos.The sister will
instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song
or two.
* Remember Rose
changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our
case,Madhuri
changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a
creek and the
water stinks!
* How can we
forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting
Madhuri's
portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors
yaar!).
This is to be
followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a
art
gallery.
* Shahrukh would
eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the
ship.Only during
the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how
Gulshan troubled
them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon
peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.
* There would be
an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu
Kapoor instead of
the trio playing the violin.
* Most
important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo"
would be yelled
would be a record in the history of cinema.And the
masterpiece would
be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...
*
"Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda
dekhnachahte ho
to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke
Ha Ha Really Funny ... bollywood jokes
ReplyDeletenice. I really went rolf. read for the first time such kind of bollywood humor
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