Bollywood Jokes

He : Aye kya bolti tu?

She: Aye kya main bolun?

He : Sun

She: Suna

He : Aati kya Khandala?

She: Kya karun aakey main khandala?

He : Ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge, gayenge. aaish karenge aur kya?

Kashmiri:

H: heey, kya chaakh wannan;

S: heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy;

H: booz;

S: wanoo;

H: pakha telle khandala;

S: kya karee weeteth bhe khandala;

H: pherevhey,nachevhey,geevevhey,khevevhey,eesh karav,beyy kya??

Bengali:

H: ei ki bolis tui;

S: ei ki ar boli;

H: son;

S: sona;

H: jabi ki khandala??

S: ki kori giye khandala;

H: are, ghurbo phirbo nachbo gaibo maja korbo ar ki;

Marathi:

H: Aye kay tu mhantes?;

S: aye kay me mhanhu?

H: aik;

S: aikav;

H: yetes ka khandala?;

S: kay karu yevon me khandala?;

H: bhatkuya, phiruya, gavuya, nachuya, aish karuya. aankhen kay?

Telugu:

H: Aye,yemantaavu?

S: Aye, Yem cheppaali?

H: Vinu,

S: Cheppu;

H: Vastaava Khandala??

S: Yem Cheddam velli manam Khandala?

H: Thirugudaam, Aadudhaam, Paadudaam, Ganthulu Yeddaam Inkemi?

Punjabi:

H: a ke boldi tu;

S: a ke mein bolan;

H: sunh;

S: sunha;

H: aande aein khandala;

S: ke karain ae ke mein khandala;

Kannada:

H: Aye, Yenanti Nee?

S: Aye, Naanu Yenu Anali?

H: Kelu,

S: Helu;

H: Barteeya Khandala?

S: Yenu Maadali Naa bandu Khandala?

H: Thirugona, Kuniyona, Hadona, Aadona, Majaa Madona... Innenu?

Sindhi:

H: Aye cha ti chaven?

S: aye cha maan chavan?

H: budh;

S: buhay;

H: achiti cha khandala?

S: cha kayan achi maan khandala?

H: ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi, aaish kandasi, byo cha?

Gujarati:

H: Aye su bole tu?

S: aye hun su bolu?

H: sambhad;

S: sambhdav

H: aavechey ke khandala?

S: su karu aavene khandala?

H: ghumsu, pharsu, khavsu,peevsu, aaish karsu. beeju su?

Magahi (BIHARI):

H: A ki bolahin too,

S: A kya boliyuow hum,

H: Sun

S: sunaow

H: Aaimahi ki khandala;

S: Ki kariaow aake hum khandala;

H: Gumbai Phirbai aish karbai aur ki,

English:

H: Aye what do you say?

S: Aye what should I say?

H: Listen.

S: Tell.

H: Coming kya khandala?

S: What do I do coming to khandala?

H: We'll roam, we'll sing we'll dance we'll do aish. what else?

“1”          Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c mein msg de dena.

“              If Guru Dutt had been a software consultant in the US.

(The following should be sung to the tune of an old Hindi classic song sung by late Mohammed Rafi. "Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai...")

YEH DOCUMENT, YEH MEETINGS, YEH FEATURES KI DUNIYA

YEH INSAAN KE DUSHMAN, CURSORS KI DUNIYA

YEH DEADLINES KE BHOOKE, MANAGEMENT KI DUNIYA

YEH PRODUCT AGAR BAN BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

YAHAAN EK KHILONA HAI PROGRAMMER KI HASTI

YEH BASTI HAI MURDA BUG-FIXERS KI BASTI

YAHAAN PAR TO RAISES HAI, INFLATION SE SASTI

YEH REVIEW AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

HAR EK KEYBOARD GHAYAL, HAR EK LOGIN PYAASI

EXCEL MEIN ULJHAN, WINWORD MEIN UDAASI

YEH OFFICE HAI YA AALAME MICROSOFT KI

YEH RELEASE AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

JALAA DO ISE, PHOONK DO YEH MONITOR

MERE SAAMNE SE HATAA DO YEH MODEM

TUMAHAARA HAI TUMHI SAMBHAALO YE COMPUTER

YEH PRODUCT AGAR CHAL BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

“              If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;

these could be the caption in Newspapers:

* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!

* English Babu Desi Mem.

* Brain marries Beauty!?

* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?

  Ooo Windows mein  Bill hai mera...

* The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."

* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.

* Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.

* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..

* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain

* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...

* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...

* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !

“              : Bollywood and Bill Clinton

Clinton arrives in Mumbai and he gets so impressed by Bollywood. He wants to be in Hindi movies and he starts dreaming..

Bill was in the Oval office and he started singing "Yeh Bill Na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara.."

At that moment, Lewinsky, who was passing by, heard it and responded "Bill, Dhak dhak karne laga, mora jiyorra darne laga", And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed and opened the door and realized he is the President of the USA.

So he paused and looked at her like Ajay Devgan from PTHHT. But Monica could hear Kumar Sanu's song, and said, "Dil-Bill, Pyar Wyar, Main kya janoo re"

He gazed into her eyes like Bobby Deol in Kareeb and sang "Chori Chori jab nazzare mili, chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"

Then he pulled her into his office and thought of Aamir Khan in Ghulam -"Aankhon se tune ye kya keh diya, Bill ye diwana machalne laga.." Monica picked up the cue and replied like Rani Mukherjee - "yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha..."

Bill then closed the door with a mischievious smile and sang "Hum tum ek kamre mein band hon aur chaabi kho jaaye..." The rest is history. The poor security guards outside could only hear the full throated song from Dil Se, "Bill se, Bill se Bill se, Bill to aakhir bill hain na..."

Monica met her best friend Linda Tripp and confessed about her affair - "Mera Bill bhi kitna pagal hai, pyar jo mujhse karta hai.."

Tripp recorded Monica's confessions and went to legal eagle Kenneth Starr with her cassette and screamed "Le gayee Bill, Lewinsky..paagal mujhe kar diya". Starr called Clinton and asked "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua kab hua..." But Bill cleverly interrupted and said "Oh chhodo, ye na poocho.." But Starr persisted and sang "Jhoot bole kowaa kaate.."

Now Bill was very angry with Monica and called her up.

Bill: Aye, kya bolti tu?

Monica: Aye, Kya main boloon..?

Bill: Sun

Monica: Suna

Bill: Kyon kiya ghotala?

Monica: Kya karoon, ho gayi thi kantala

Finally Clinton decided to tell Starr all, "Bill kya kare jab kisi se kisi ko pyaar ho jaye..."., to which Starr had a ready reply, "Aye Bill hai mushkil jeena yahan, jara bach ke, jara hat ke, yeh hai White House meri Jaan!"

Cut...Cut...Cut...!!

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